In My Mind's Eye
by Demona Brown
You know, life is one thing you can count on not to count on. I mean, who would have ever thought that I would be where I am now? I have a problem. There is this person... this guy whom I have known for the longest. Before you start thinking, "Great! Another sorry, spineless bitch!", you had better take one.
I guess I should introduce myself, before you think me crazy. My name is Alione. Pretty name, right? Yeah, my mom seemed to think so too. Anyhow, my life is definitely not one that most can relate to. I am a PK. For those of you who are "Baptist-impaired", that means that my father is a pastor. I was raised in
a very spiritual environment, and groomed to perhaps assume my father's role one day. Remember what I said about life being unreliable? Well, I think that maybe I would have made a fine pastor, save the fact I am effeminate. Hold up! Let me clarify things. I was trained as a gymnast, an ice skater, and a dancer
starting at the age of three. Over the years I developed an uncanny grace and sensitivity to my body and the world around me. Only when I reached seventh grade, did I discover that in order to receive any respect, I had to masque my feelings, bottle my reactions. All in the ungodly name of "masculinity". I am not
even about to front. I played the role, poorly at best. I just did not understand why I could not be both respectable and expressive.
All PK's, as you well know, are endlessly reminded of sexual purity. In my house, that was virtually priority number one. Call it human nature, but I discovered that simply all the fuss over it made me even more curious. Aside from that, my life was fairly normal, and extremely blessed. I was selected to a
College Prep Magnet, voted Most Talented, had a vocal gig weekly at the Hard Rock, and managed to put together a Prom for 4,000 students. I even landed a full-tuition scholarship to NYU. Life was good. Of course, it would be the night before graduation that my world would begin to lose its foundation. Lines would
begin to blur, shapes would become unstable, and my life would never be the same.
There was this boy named Veron. You know how you have that one good friend that you just can NOT seem to shake? *laughs* Yeah, that was my nig. We had known each other since seventh grade, and he was the first person to welcome me to the school. Even then, I could see the glint of mischief in his eyes. He
was a tad short back then, but he grew a lot during high school. He is just a couple of inches from my 5'9" height, but I will never get over his smile. He had the BIGGEST teeth I had ever seen, save Tiger Woods. They did not stand out, rather they complemented his face. His skin was a rich hue of pure, unadulterated
chocolate. My foamy, 'espresso'-like complexion lacked the boldness and strength of his. We quickly learned about becoming an adult over the years, together. He invited me to my first school dance, set me up on my first date, and even helped promote my acts when business was low. No friend better could I conceive.
That is what made that night all the more special and regretful. He and I decided to visit one of our mutual friend's house. Vanessa was a beautiful woman, born of a rich, earthy tone. The three of us spent the night away, reminiscing on the past four years. It was a couple of hours before dawn, when Vanessa
retired to bed. *sighs deeply* I should have known better than to stay up that night. Veron and I began our usual conversation, talking about music and the business. I swiftly disrobed, leaving only a two sizes too big T-shirt, and a pair of briefs. Veron kept talking as he simply took off his shoes, pager, and
necklace. After a few minutes, the subject of women arose. Whenever the X-Chromosome appeared when we talked, Veron tended to take my words to heart. Not like I was a Secret Ambassador, or anything like that. *smiles* He was telling me about his going to college and possible break-up with his girlfriend. I
listened intently, as I always did, but tonight, there was something different about him. The way her name rolled from his tongue onto the ground made me suddenly suspicious. His brow began to furrow as he suddenly began to sound off about the frustration of maintaining a relationship. He repeatedly licked his lips,
as if the words of frustration were living flames. I sat there, bedazzled. Then his eyes settled on mine.
The eyes are portals to the soul and its desires. I could not find the means to escape this unwanted yet desired contact, and found his Indian brown orbs boldly glaring into mine. He lowered his eyelids and ran his tongue around the corners of his mouth. His gaze never left
mine, and his slender fingers reached over, what seemed to be a chasm, and found my bare, toned thigh. An electric thrill coarsed through my veins, setting my nerves aflame. My breathing erratically stopped and my eyes widened in response. He leaned forward and parted his sultry lips. The light scent of cinnamon
wafted over my face as he spoke the deplorable words. "What would you do?"
For the next seconds, the void of silence was all around, save the beating of my heart. Who knows how many times he had asked me this question, and I, unwittingly, gave him the answers that MY soul had generated for HER benefit. A rush of possessiveness surged within me, and I mentally calmed the tempest. I moved
closer to him. Many a fool has made the mistake of invoking a storm, and then not bringing an umbrella. Veron had awakened the fury of Nature itself. I had never recalled wanting him in a sexual way. The friendship we shared was something unique and seemingly sufficient. My body, however, began to act out a ritual that
it had long conspired to do. I gently laid my palm against the side of his face. I never remembered touching such smooth skin. He never shook my gaze. He was trusting, willing, and perhaps... curious? I ran a slender finger over his goatee, tracing the outlines of his succulent lips. His hand began to generate a
blaring heat against my thigh, and I could feel his fingers slowly begin to probe. My short fingernails trickled about his sideburns, and I had to admit that when he exhaled his pleasure, that summoned forth the most darkest and decadent thoughts to my mind. I lightly brought my trembling hand down towards his neck.
His eyes now were closed, and his body seemed to relish in the sensations. It was then that I took my chance. I leaned over his now prostrate frame. My hips began to writhe in that dance of ancient days. My full, moist lips hovered dangerously about his, and I stopped.
WHAT was I thinking? This was my friend of over six years! How could I take advantage of him like this? Then, the lessons that I had been taught and taken to heart regarding my morals began to assault me. What I was prepared to do... was immoral. It WAS sin. Shame stealthily crept into my heart, and I slowly
backed away from him. Just for clarity, you remember what I said about life, right? *grins* Veron must have sensed my retreat, and his eyes shot open. He sat back up, and looked at me. I never remembered him giving me a look like that. It was full of desire, of longing... of need. Once again, we locked into the Cobra's
game, and this time, I was the victim. His hand reached around my slender frame, and cradled itself in the small of my back. A gentle nudge arched me towards him. I found my body yielding to his most subtle prodding. His eyes beckoned me to invite him into the sensuous depths of my being. He pressed his hard, rigid frame
against my waifish, petite body. His lips threatened to collide with mine, but his hand and his gaze prevented me from backing away. To my relief, his head veered lower than their intended destination. I only had a moment, before I realized my error.
A piercing sensation erupted through me and I threw my head back. My breathing was extremely ragged. Veron... was biting me? His tongue and lips moved with a demonic fury over my neck. I raked the carpet, hoping to stifle an outburst, but when he began that sucking/biting motion, I could not help but voice my ecstacy.
A deep laugh rumbled from his throat, and he continued his oral onslaught. He had brought me with my back to the floor, legs bended underneath. I offered a slight prayer of thanksgiving for my mother placing me in those accursed gymnastics classes! He went lower, his soft lips caressing my flesh. I remember holding his head
against my chest as if he were some precious artifact. His teething made my manhood swell, and his light rubbing against me only inflammed it more. My attempt at modesty was quickly removed, leaving me merely with a set of Hanes. He ran his lips over my sheathed pole, and it strained to greet this welcome visitor. I could
only pray that it would never end, and he would claim me as I now sought. To be possessed, but not owned. That is the beauty of love.
He turned me on my flat stomach and began to lick at my earlobes. I bit my bottom lip, and gyrated my back upwards to meet his downthrust. I could feel his stiffness through his pants, and when he positioned it between my soft mounds, a cry escaped my lips. His pants were quickly discarded, and I could feel more of him.
A brief fear flashed over me as I realized that I had never done this before, and his measurements were more than ample. That fear was washed by a wave of passion as suddenly I felt his tongue probe my velvet lips. I hissed and tried to pull away. The sensations were just too much. He quickly exerted his stronger upper body,
and violently latched onto my hips. Like a child with a new bike, he steered my nether half towards him, determined to ride straight through. I hung my head in submission, the pleasure was just too powerful. He stopped but for a moment. I almost felt the need to grab something and cut him. Why now? The next few minutes, I
would learn that anticipation could be a REAL bitch. He delicately began to prod against me, pushing and pressing. I wriggled in hesitation, but in a resonant, bass tone, he bid me to "Be still.", and like the waves, I paid heed.
Suprisingly, I did not feel too much pain, as he penetrated me. His constant kisses and caresses were almost enough to balance out the pain of my virginity being taken from me. I focused on his invading rhythm, willing myself to accept this man who already had a place in my heart, for years. After a few minutes, he exhaled
a breath of relief, and told me that he was 'in'. I had adjusted to it quite nicely, but nothing prepared me for what would happen next. His caresses became less detailed, and his motion became more primal. Veron was showing me a side of him that I had not been familiar with. His groans of pleasure became the cries of a man in
battle. With each stroke, he commanded my body to receive him, and I strangely felt the decree arousing. My inner lips began to throb and I knew that something was happening to me. I almost began to panic, because something inside of me was exploding. Veron slowed momentarily, and smirked at me. "Damn, you wet! Sure you're a
guy?" Even in the middle of something so special, he still managed to insert his wit... among other things.
He laid me on my back, and it was this time that I suprised him. When he began to resume his loveplay, I extended my sculpted legs into the air and brought them perfectly behind my head. This gave him more access to my core, and he fervently began to curse as he took advantage. His weight pressed down on me, but my body
bucked against his, daring him to ride the tornado. He cried aloud and began to thrust with a sudden surge of power and speed. I shrieked, his petrified flesh now touching my stomach. It was then that he gave to me the essence of life. His spasms seemed to prove the intoxicant to my libido, and I joined him in the throes of
victory. He laid against my body for quite some time. Thoughts began to run through my brain as I descended from nirvana. How has this changed us? What will we do next? As he removed himself from me, I felt as if he had literally taken a piece of me with him. He sat on his haunches, his eyes scrutinizing me. I never felt so
insecure in my life. I turned my head away, fearful of the pending rejection. I had crossed the border to which there was no return. He could never see me the same. I had given into expression, and sacrificed my respectability. The tears which should have fell minutes ago, now tinged my eyes. I knew that this was the end.
"You are beautiful." My heart nearly stopped... forever. Veron had positioned himself aside me, and wrapped a firm arm around my narrow waist. My body shivered against his, and his softening meat still communicated its urgency. He lightly kissed my shoulders and began to tell me how he had been having weird dreams of us
being together, but he thought it was only because we shared so close and intense a friendship. He went so far as to say that sometimes he even compared his girlfriend's loyalty and personality to mine, and found the measure... wanting. As we lay, we talked about our past as if it was something new. I now had to face a future
that was not so certain anymore. He had not told me that he loved me, he had not promised me anything. We had both mutely decided that to try to start something of that calibre, with the both of us going separate ways, would only lead to heartache. Still, the foundation had been set. The bond between us was not to be taken
lightly, and time would prove to be the revealer of all. I turned to face him, staring into those mystical, elusive spheres of his soul.
"YOU'RE NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!"
I blinked several times, and looked over at Veron. He was on his back, legs propped up, and eyeing me wildly. I widened my eyes and inhaled deeply. What had just happened? Was I the brunt of a cosmic joke? Veron twirled his feet off the table and came closer to me. He placed his hand on my thigh and looked me in my eyes.
"What would you do?", he asked me. I was still somewhat dazed and placed my hand over his. He smiled as he waited for my response. Everything was the same. His eyes, his hand, his smile. I took a brief intake of air and narrowed my eyes at him. My lips parted and I allowed myself to speak the words that I knew I had to say...
"I would be patient, and see if it is worth the wait. Only you know if she is going to be there for you. Trust your heart.", I replied. I felt a swift kick in my ass, and a voice tell me how foolish I was. Veron nodded at my words and seemed satisfied, but slightly annoyed. Almost as if he had been expecting me to say
something else. He began to put his necklace and shoes on, and attached his pager. Inwardly, I wanted to scream. I wanted to deck his kneecaps and make him listen to me. I merely sat there, like some pathetic victim of Medusa. A light smile brushed his face and he eyed me. "You know what? I'm going to talk to her now. Catch you later."
As he left, a loud thunderclap could be heard throughout the heavens. Swollen purple clouds released their bounty, and jagged streaks of lightening danced upon the skies. I walked out onto the balcony and held my arms. The sun was beginning to rise, like some giant eye of a voyeur. I began to laugh as the rain pelted my
body, drenching my tears. This would not be the first time that I had gone without, in order that someone else might have. Howling winds seemed to mock my attempt at chilvary, and I shook the water out of my face. "Who wants to rescue a mage, when there's a damsel-in-distress?" That was a question I found the answer to later, but for now, we will just leave it at this.